Sunday, June 7, 2009

No Bitchazzness Allowed

The following statements were made by two single mothers at my daughter's daycare center:
"I came up here an saw him playn' with Barbies. When we got home he was being all whiny and shit. I started shoving on him and told his ass he betta stop all that cryn' shit. I ain't raising no lil punk ass."

"Boy get your ass in the car and cut out all that damn crying!"

The children referenced in the above statements are three and four years old.

Certainly, some women feel they have man up their little boys. Daddy ain't around to teach them to be men so it's up to mom to ensure her male offspring does not become soft or *gasp* gay. I will address the ridiculousness of the previous statement in another post. Lord knows playing with a doll might lead a young boy to decide he likes penis instead of vagina...

This is nonsense. Life and parenting will teach a child what he needs to know. A child comes to his mother to kiss his boo boos, defend him when necessary, and send him back into to the world with love and confidence. Terrorizing a toddler by telling him to not act like a "punk ass" is setting him on the path to a misogynistic bullying existence that will most likely end up with him sitting in a court room awaiting sentencing.

While it's fine to write all of this on my blog - there has to be some way to discuss this with these women. Realistically, is there a way to talk about this with them?


  1. To be honest, naw. Not really. Hopefully someone close to them will get in their heads about that.

    For some reason, your situation reminds me of this:

    COPYRIGHT 2003 Fort Worth Star-Telegram

    Byline: Clarence E. Hill Jr.

    IRVING, Texas _ Almost a year has passed since an innocent comment by the mother of Dallas Cowboys receiver Randal Williams made him a national joke.

    And while he has forgiven Mom, no one in the Cowboys' locker room has forgotten what she said on HBO's "Hard Knocks" during training camp last year about raising Williams in the Bronx, N.Y.

    Mom said: "I was nervous. I had fears of him being around women, maybe being gay, so I decided I would get him involved in every sport there was available."

    But all anybody remembers is "being gay."

    "I don't think I will ever live that down," Williams said. "I probably go two weeks without hearing anything, then they...

  2. Perhaps this is the reason we have so many young men with serious problems expressing themselves in any way other than violence. So many people have told them to "be a man" and then offered them a very narrow definition of manhood.

    I remember going to a restaurant with my son when he was about two or three. As we waited to pay, I gave him a little kiss on the forehead. The women behind me were appalled. They whispered that he would grow up gay.

    However, I was simply expressing expression for my son, and he has grown up okay thus far.

  3. @blackink: I highly doubt anyone close to them will offer parental advice that differs from their own ignorant way of thinking.

    Thanks for posting the story about Randal Williams. Not really suprising that he caught a lot of flak over his mom's comment. Wondering if the people who gave him the most crap were in the closet?

    @Max: You know what? This is probably going to sound really messed up, but - I can almost guarantee you that those women are single parents. I try to conduct myself as an adult when I am out with my daughter, however I probably would have sat my child down and said something to those fools.

    This is the kind of nonsense that has our children killing themselves over being called gay at school. I feel so sad for children who ARE gay, and not just labeled as such, and what they have to go through with idiotic parents like these.

  4. I would think that these women are not really that upset with their children but just using them as an excuse to take out their frustrations on. After all most mothers would lay their lives down to protect their children. I would approach these women in order that they discover what realy is bothering them and letting them know their actions will affect others around them.

  5. I know I'm late with this, but nawl - I'd let it go. Nowadays approaching someone about their kids is like playing russian roulette. Long gone are the days when the village raised the child. Reading your transcript of the statements makes me believe if you were to approach these mothers - they'd probably be ready to bite your head off.

  6. @Curious - Most mothers would. Yes, most women have times where life frustrations take over, but really? Really? There are just some things you don't do. I don't give a shit if the father of child is a jerk - you do NOT take it out on your child. Yelling at a toddler and pushing him to man up is beyond the pale.

    @Bougie - Welcome. Yeah, they might pop a cap in my ass to prove they're real women. Seriously though - I'll suck it up to a point, but if I witness physcial abuse it - it's all over.