Saturday, March 27, 2010


I believe this will be the last post regarding my family. I won’t go into a lot of detail here, but there are some moments in this life when you stand at a crossroads and have to make a decision. I have chosen to walk away from, and not return to my hometown for the foreseeable future. Arrangements have been made for my mom to spend some weekends with me. All other options have been exhausted, and she is of sound enough mind now to legally block any action I may want to take. What matters is that she knows that I love her and will be there for her.

Monday a family member took things to a level that there is no coming back from. I will eventually forgive them, but I sever ties knowing that I deserve to be treated with basic human decency. When I left my ex, I vowed that I would never stay in a situation where I feared for my or someone else’s physical safety. Some things are unacceptable, unexplainable and so painful that you have no choice but to stop trying to make sense of it. I no longer care why they have made the decisions they have made, but they have to live with the consequences.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Crazy indeed.

They did it. They really did it. Despite what the entire staff of the nursing facility advised, my family has over ruled my decision to apply for a waiver for my mom to go to assisted living. They want to wait and see (cos, clearly five years and about bi-monthly trips to the hospital is not enough information to make a decision). I cannot comprehend this or the plan they have come up with. I spent a half an hour this morning just staring at the M on the McDonald’s sign thinking what the hell just happened when I got off the phone with a family member. Let me be clear: When family can provide for a loved one they should. When the loved one needs 24/7 monitoring of serious heart condition, diabetes, and the onset of dementia and one family member lives on another continent, one family member lives an hour away and is a single mom, and the others begrudgingly help out and act like total shit heads – that’s a whole nother ball of cheese. I will see my mom weekly as planned bring her home a lot, but I can only pray to God that my mom is going to be okay. They just shot the best chance there was to have ALL of her needs met to hell.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


About ten years ago, I was on a transatlantic flight watching the updated version of The Parent Trap. I remember thinking that this little redhead was going to be a star. Flash forward to today when the news that this same child is suing over this commercial because the tipsy toddler shares her name. The commercial is hilarious. Lindsay Lohan's mother is expressing her indignation over the use of her daughter's name in this commercial because (of course) everyone knows they are making fun of her child. What I know is this is a mother who failed her daughter years ago.


Although the creator of this video could have done a spell check, this song pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these days. I'm learning to be okay with the path that I am taking even if it angers, disappoints, or saddens others. People often mistake loving themselves as being selfish. As a kid, I would hide under the bed or lock myself in the bathroom with the lights off and cry if someone did or said something hurtful. I would tell myself that when I woke up it would be light outside and everything would be okay.

One of the hardest thing that people who have been damaged by others have to learn is how to accept that they will most likely never get a sincere apology from or have their feelings validated by their abusers. People don't want to be told they fucked up, so they'll tell you to: move on, don't live in the past, get over it, stop being a victim etc. All valid points - when they're not being made by the person/people who created the trauma you need to get over. The trick is to feel what you need to feel, confront them if necessary, and be OK with the fact the some people will not change. Tricky indeed.

Enjoy the video.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

If only...

He would not be pissed at me and pay attention to his child. She turned four this week and he has not called or paid her a visit. His deadbeatiness is solely a fuck you to me for leaving him, so please do not drop stupid comments on my blog about how he was only in it for the sex and left... You know the usual shit that black women empowerment bloggers write when they just know how a woman came to be a single mom.

Anywho, Mr. Saxboy: Someday when you need a glass of water, your Depends changed and our child helps you, it's because she had a great mom, not because you were there for her.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Civil Rights Gone Wrong Sunday

Clearly I missed Black History Month. So to honor my lateness, I'm going to do something that is a little off. As someone who holds a degree in our esteemed history, I think it is high time we spotlight those who are effing it up.

Love the comments that appear below this video on YouTube: We've come so far.

Whether it was the case of Eleanor Bumpers, Yusef Hawkins, Howard Beach,the Central Park jogger or Wilfred Phillips - New York City in the 80's and 90's was not a model for racial harmony. The accuser (Tawana Brawley) and the accused (one of whom was Assistant DA, Steven Pagones)became a pawns in Rev Al's game. It has never been proven beyond all doubt that she made up her story, but all evidence points to her fabricating the story. Reports were that her home environment was abusive (her Step-father spent seven years for murdering his first wife) which is why Brawley may have gone to such lengths to avoid punishment. And who was right there to exploit the situation?

Where's Justin when you need him?

Haven’t blogged in a while because it would not have been pretty. Mom had bad episode and was hospitalized and is now in a nursing home. Guess what? She’s as happy as a little clam now that she is feeling better. For the first time in a long time she is active, social and receiving round the clock care. So what's the problem? The usual: the rest of the fam and the process to assisted living that everyone in the world recommended a few years ago. The strong recommendation is that she not go home at all due to the need for 24/7 monitoring.

Equally frustrating is being told what a shitty daughter I am by a family members. I’m so shitty I could write a laundry list of things I have done and arranged for my mom that would make most STNA’s cry, the time taken off, wages lost, tears, anger, things my child has missed out on, but why? To defend myself? I’ve done that and it is NEVER enough. The hardest part about all of this has been having to work through issues and deal with people that I would rather not have in my life. People that think it's just fine if the children are molested (yes, I'm writing this) and we overlook it. People who are emotionally and mentally abusive as hell then if you dare to speak out - you're the one with the problem. You know the drill: Family first, respect your elders, family, family effing family.

My ma is not the problem - it's her rotten to the roots family members who have informed me that I am to come home every weekend (it's about an hour away)to relieve them of their duties if my mom comes home. I already go home anyway, but Fri-Mon morning with these people? No. I've made peace with my relationship with my mom. I love her, but she needs to be where I live. Until then I will go home weekly, but not the way they want it. I miss my Dad. He couldn't stand my mom's family either. And my child cannot be infected with their insanity. And guess what? My mom wants to be independent and does NOT want them hovering over her all damn time. Why? Cause as they treat her like she's a burden they put up with because they love her. They treat her like she's an errant child and talk down to her...

This site has become something it was not meant to be - whatever. Consider it my way of not ending up on Dateline for tying up, anally tasering some folks, and torturing them by forcing them to listen to Justin Beiber music on an endless loop.