Monday, June 22, 2009

What the Le Leche League Doesn't Tell You

I have a problem. Thankfully it does not involve the ex. Nope. This situation requires much more patience and diplomacy.

This weekend, I was unceremoniously awakened by a sharp painful pinch. Understand, gentle readers, that I was in the middle of an orgasmic dream. There I was with an entire afternoon to myself, sipping a tall mocha at an independent eh? Prepared to squish whatever it was - I sat up (causing even more pain) and there, howling in protest, was my problem: the toddler.

"Gimmie back my boobies mommy!"

She is three. I breastfed her until she was two. She was weaned and doing well - then we came home to my mother's house. She has had two relapses since our return. Once during "Operation Night Night" where she was learning to sleep in a room alone, and this one. I have explained to her that there is no milk in there. Milk all gone. We buy milk at the store. "But I waaanitt, I tell Nama and Ms. L (try explaining that to a daycare teacher who thinks once they've sprouted one tooth it should be all over) on you!"

I showed her the teeth marks, explained that I was wounded and boobies were out of commission forever. The pitiful wounded look on my face satisfied her - for now. Her pediatrician informed that she has been advising more mothers on this situation recently as breastfeeding has seen a rise in popularity. Her advice: firmness and patience.

My boobies are losing both.


  1. I don't know what to say about this one. I buy my milk from the store too.

  2. I have to say something, I just don't know what. I'm still stuck on the last line because I don't think Seinfeld, Rivers or whoever could have written a better one.

  3. I feel for you and your boobies. Wait, I don't mean I want to feel your boobies. I mean... It's best I just left. I don't think I should be involved in a boobie conversation with some woman in the middle of Ohio while my wife sleeps in the next room.

    * turning the lights off and closing the door behind me *

  4. ^ All of you guys are funny.

    @Citizen Ojo: Can you pick up a carton for the baby?

    @ Curious: Thank you

    @ Max: My daughter would tell you: boobies are for milk and you have to night night. ; )

  5. i feel your pain literally! my son is one year old and do not know how we made it this far...maybe i have gotten better with age. i lasted four months with his sister...she is seventeen...age wisdom patience...all that, blessings to you.

  6. I'll have what the kids having thank you.