Saturday, May 30, 2009

Black Men & White Women

I know the fool in the video is not representative of all black men who are in relationships with white women.
I acknowledge that there are many interracial relationships that are not based upon ingrained Mandingo and Missy Anne stereotypes.
Ok!? Now read the damn post before you send me some funky comment...

Never ever say (aloud) that a black man ONLY dates white women - even if it's true! One of my black female co-workers has a crush on a guy. He has stated and it has been noted that he has a clear preference for women of the whiter shade of pale. After witnessing her flirting with him rather overtly, I gave her the heads up. Unfortunately, he was around the corner and my "quiet voice" wasn't quite up to par.

HUGE mistake...

I received five emails from him that day telling me about myself. He informed me that I didn't know him and better keep his name out of my mouth. At first I was amused, but I apologized if I had offended him. Finally, I just let him know that I could care less who he dates, sleeps with, holds hands with or whatever. Jeez...You would have thought I called his mamma a hooker!

Personally, I've dated the entire rainbow and have no ill will towards black men who do not date black women. Why? Because we wouldn't have anything in common and I don't want to spend time defending myself against some Sapphire stereotype. Life is too short. Growing up in my town I witnessed the majority of young black men at my school show a clear preference for white girls. I learned very quickly if I was to have any self-esteem after the eleventh grade expanding my dating horizons was a must. Despite the serious backlash I received from family, friends, and aforementioned young black men - I decided I had the right to be happy.

My co- worker: He still doesn't date black women.

Monday, May 25, 2009


The outrage was real!!!

Unfortunately, so is this crazy ass story posted on Avery Tooley's site.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dating an Ex?

If you don't have a lot of time or patience - skip to 2:50 in...

Alright, catch your breath and continue reading. No, that is not an actual ex of mine, or my child's dad. However, it's a great intro to the WTF moments I have been having with an ex. And this is precisely why I haven't shown him this site. Sorry Mr. X, but some things just need to be dissected, discussed and posted on my blog.

For the past two months I have been reconnecting with someone I used to date. A brief history: The relationship ended on a rather unpleasant note - He pissed me off and I didn't speak to him again. Interestingly enough, he remembers things quite differently. Something about me being at fault... I know, right? We had a bit of a falling out over that issue about a week into this, but we have moved past it. Okay, that's a damn lie, but we are stubbornly choosing not to examine this too closely right now.

He lives in another state and will be in town for a visit early next month. As much as I am looking forward to seeing him, there are a few minor details that need to be worked out. Lately, he has become overly familiar. He's recalling certain *moments* in detail and being extra flirty. I really think this has something to do with me telling him he used to be very closed off from me. Now he's going out of his way to prove he is open - waaay too open. He addressed me as Ms. **** (I can't even write the name, makes me cringe and feel all icky inside) in an email. No pet names. And, really dude, no pet names of a sexual nature.

Yes, he has seen me naked. Yes, he has seen me when I am sick, snotty and my hair looks like Lisa Bonet stuck her finger in a light socket. However, if you add a baby and zero time spent in my presence during the last decade - a little getting to know you again time is in order.

When thinking of dating an ex, should you attempt to regain the level of intimacy you once shared right away? Can you start over and "date" and ex?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Misrepresented Negro

*Update* 7/7/09
Just posted blog on FB. Removed part of post due to privacy concerns. This odd media age does make it hard to clown folks does it not?

Despite his manager's suck ass intro - he's talented.

This post regarding former basketball player and jazz musician Wayman Tisdale on Undercover Black Man's spot made me think of about legacies - public and private.

Far too much of my day was spent avoiding the complete BS that was being shoveled by the manager of my ex. As phone calls and other acts of douchebaggery were taking place, my friends and I all had the same reaction: WTF? Why would a member of several organizations that were designed to mentor young black men, a man that sits on the boards of several prominent organizations, engage in this kind of behavior? There is an interesting dichotomy when I look at this person's public persona and his private actions. His continual interference (see April's post regarding child support) has been an interesting to say the least.

My ex has seen several of his mentors die alone. There were very few people to to truly mourn them because of the lives they had led i.e., wives and children they had screwed over. Yes, there were nice write-ups in the papers regarding their artistic endeavors... However, as they aged and death came closer, what mattered to them was most was what they no longer had.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

On Fatherhood

Today I was on another site where someone supposedly made the statement that they "hoped someone would die of kidney failure" and it shook me. I let it go because I couldn't find the original comment and it wasn't the forum for me to go off on someone. My father died of kidney failure. My father meant the world to me and he is the reason why I am so passionate about the issue of absentee fathers in the black community.

When I hear the terms "baby mamma" and "baby daddies" I am saddened. Despite the circumstances in which a child was conceived, there are children who need to be parented. Time after time I have heard, "Black men ain't shit" or how they do not take care of their children. Although it is an issue - I know better. My father and mother adopted me at nine months old. While my father wasn't perfect, he was the most important person in my world and not once did I doubt his love for me. My grandfather was fifty when he married my grandmother who was much younger. They had five children and he worked to support all of them. He lived to see three of his children graduate from college.

Today was the first time in almost six months my daughter had a visit from her father. I want her to know the best of him, not the worst that was my experience. I play his music for her and show her videos of him so that she can be proud of him. What can I say when she wants to know where he is? I tell her that he loves her. I do not make promises for him to her. As she grows older, he will reveal himself to her without any interference from me. Our issues are not hers.

My father died on March 11, 2005. My daughter was born on March 9, 2006. I wish she could have known him.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I killed Bambi

I blame McDonald's for this...

My toddler is in love with the Kidz Bop cd's that are now included in the Happy Meal. Her absolute favorite is the "The Purple One" that we must listen to during our fifty-five minute commute. Today, I made the mistake of putting in "The Yellow One" which immediately drew her wrath. I'm driving down the highway listening to her howling, when I notice something in the middle of the road. Swearing, I swerve just in time to avoid the newly dead deer in the middle of the damn road. After a few seconds of trying to erase the image of steaming bloody road kill from my mind - I try to explain why I yelled at her.

It went like this:

"Mommy is sorry for yelling at you. Mommy was scared and trying not to hit something in the road and needed to concentrate."

"Whad you hit mommy?"

"Nothing honey, there was a deer in the road and -"

"You hit a deer?"

"No, mommy did not hit a deer, it was already hit and -"

"Did the deer get blood?"

"Um, yes, but listen honey the deer was -"

"Is the deer okay?"

"Well, see, the deer is sort of... okay, the deer is in heaven."

"The deer got dead?" "You killed the deer dead!"

"No, the deer was already gone and -"

"Mommy killed the deer like Bambi."

Monday, May 11, 2009


Lately I've been a little perturbed to say the least. Pretty sure I was headed down the road to a moderate depression. But, thanks to the effortless idiocy of some, I was forced to look in the rear view mirror and change directions.

Made a sharp U-turn onto RUFKM? Blvd.
Rolled a stop sign on the corner of Attorney Ave. and Lawyer Ln.
Came to a full stop lest I receive a ticket.
Started car, drove at a leisurely pace til I reached exit EF U.
Will continue driving til I reach destination.
I'll let you know when I arrive.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

On Child Support and Domestic Violence

Bloggers must always be cognizant of the possibility that anyone can access what they post. Children, family, current and future employers, significant others etc., can all someday read what we have written. With this in mind, I choose to continue to post real events and their very real consequences. Most people tell stories from the beginning. You, dear reader, have the good luck to stumble upon what hopefully be the end of this particular period in my life.

Today I received an order of child support. The occasion was marked with the usual fear, anger, and uncertainty that I have grown familiar with. There was the calm before the storm: The smiles and knowing whispers with the advisor. The careful controlled and concentrated effort at ignoring my presence. And then, down came the rain... The mask slipped, the facade crumbled, and security was called to escort the obligee out of the building.

My five year order of protection grants me two things - An underwhelming sense of protection and loads of unwelcome advice from others. My personal fave: "If someone wants to get to you, ain't no piece of paper will stop them." Thanks for that. Child support and protection orders are not infallible. Aside from the obvious reasons for obtaining such orders, most people fail to recognize accountability as motivating factor. Personally, it was what led me to today's hearing.

No longer will I have to beg plead and chase down money for my child. I may never see a dime, but the state I reside in holds him responsible in ways I cannot. I may end up being physically harmed, but the list of suspects is narrowed considerably. God willing, I will be able to someday look at my daughter and tell her: First, that I wanted provide a two-parent home. Second, leaving was the only way to obtain safety and peace of mind so that I could parent her. Third, that I made every effort to foster a relationship between her and her father in a safe environment. Fourth, that I obtained the financial support that is rightfully hers.
And last, that I did my best.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Sick and Tired

That is my current mood. It's been two days off of work due to illness, but there has been no rest. Saturday is the child support hearing and so far, his mother and manager have called me this week. I've nothing to say to them and truly wish they would just have the decency to bugger off for the remainder of the week. I've been rather pissy lately. Overwhelmed at work and unable to concentrate for even short periods of time while at home. I have a lot to write about, but the desire is outweighed by the need to hack up some more sickness and crawl back to bed.

Fun times!