Wednesday, April 22, 2009

You might act white, but you ain't white.

And those unfortunate choice of words were the beginning of the end of a promising relationship. I could post a rant about Negroes confusing whiteness with rightness, and rave about the "The Soul Patrol" policing the black community for signs of random acts of selling out by readin' and writtin', but this brilliant quote will address that:

“If you can control a man’s thinking, you don’t have to worry about his actions. If you can determine what a man thinks you do not have worry about what he will do. If you can make a man believe that he is inferior, you don’t have to compel him to seek an inferior status, he will do so without being told and if you can make a man believe that he is justly an outcast, you don’t have to order him to the back door, he will go to the back door on his own and if there is no back door, the very nature of the man will demand that you build one.”
-Carter G. Woodson

I would rather address the issue of my disasters in the dating department. The fool who uttered these words seemed like a nice enough guy. What went wrong? I should have known something was up when he started to tell me about myself - after knowing me all of two weeks. It started with a little criticism here and there. As months went by those little "observations" grew into full on dissertations of who I am as a person and why I had dated certain people. According to the sage one: I have dated white guys because they are passive, I needed a man who always agrees with me and my friends are a bunch of enablers. In other words: I'm a total asshole.

The last straw came when he criticized me for planning a trip to the park with my daughter. To be fair to my self and it's esteem - the last aforementioned acts of random prickness happened in 48 hours. One the day of our parting he told me it was too windy for the baby, too cold, I was too old to go to the park, and insinuated I am a bad mother. I promptly told him to f**k off. He hung up on me. I sent an email (via phone) and left a voice mail informing him that we simply were not compatible and wished him well.

And then I took the baby to the park.


  1. Now this story is a first. I've had this conversation, but it always veers toward white women and their perceived sexual capabilities. If it's worth anything, it sounds to me like you did the right thing. No one needs constant criticism like that in their life.

    As an aside, I think me, you and Bougie Applebum could entertain people for a long time with dating stories.

  2. Thanks. I could spend a lot of time on sexual myths regarding race...

    Sad, but I do have an abundance of "entertaining" dating stories.

  3. He was testing you to see how much he could get away with, to see if he could control you. You passed with flying colors by getting him out of your life.

  4. thelady: Thanks for commenting and the encouragement! I think you're right about him testing me. Sad, but some people only feel in control when they are controlling others.