Is it ever okay to end a friendship without discussing it with the other person? In recent weeks I have defriended someone on in real life and Facebook - without discussing it with them. Some of you may feel that the ending of any relationship deserves a chance to be redeemed or at the very least some sort of closure should be sought. One of my friends feels very strongly that I should talk to the person and work things out. I'd rather not.
Have you ever had what you consider a perfectly normal response to something only to have it dissected and criticized? In my last post I wrote about taking a self-inventory and how life is viewed as a series of actions and reactions. I asked what makes a reaction negative or positive and who gets to decide which category said reaction falls under.
Some of my friends would tell you I am too emotional, patient and forgiving. Other friends would say I can be rather cold, snippy, and a tad self-absorbed. Most people are a combination of all of those things at one time or another. My current attitude can be read as: don't be an ass and I won't treat you like one. Some people are not reacting very well to this.
Most of you have heard of and understand what a fair-weather friend is. There is a polar opposite to this type of friend, and it’s not the friend remains steadfast when times are hard. I'm talking about the stormy-weather friend.
The stormy-weather friend is down for you when things are a hot-ass-mess. Is your significant other acting a fool? Boss getting on your last nerve? Babysitter a no-show, Car broke down? No food in the fridge? No heat?
Super friend is here to save the day! This friend provides you with encouragement when you’re ready to chuck it all and sit in a corner and stare at the cobwebs – for weeks. Sounds great doesn't it? Right about now you may be wondering what the problem is with a friend like this. Hell, you may be wishing you had more like friends like this. Trust me you don’t. Because the stormy-weather friend will mess with your psyche in ways the fair one can’t even touch.
Remember both friends of both the fair and stormy variety are consistent only during a storm or if the sun is shining – rarely both. What happens when the storm subsides? What happens when your boo boo and feelings have been patched up? Crisis over. Friendship goes back to normal right? Dead wrong in the case of the stormy-weather friend. Any ideas as to why this may be the case?
No answers here for you accept that if I was St. George and I killed the dragon for you so that you could live in peace and without fear, then what would I do next? Go back to farming? I don't think that it would have the same kind of thrill. I exist only because there was a crisis and or emergency that needed to be resolved.
ReplyDeleteStormy weather friends are probably like that except when everything is done, they can't just slink away because the story is over. Because until they are dead, their story is never over.
^ I loved this comment, and I think there is a lot of truth to what you wrote. I guess I don't think these type of friends should "slink away" at all. What's wrong with just remaining a friend. Why is that so hard?
ReplyDeleteHint: Misery loves...
I never thought about Stormy Weather Friends. I always thought of people like that as "Ride of Die" Friends. Sometimes people just fall out with one another. Nothing abnormal but just a thing. I always think you should tell someone if you are ending it with them. I personally like closure but that's me.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm trying to say is that many of of us try to find a roll to play in the lives of certain individuals, whether it's parent, friend, sounding board, savior or something else. Once we have found that niche that we are comfortable with, it's hard then to find another roll to play that will give us the same level or reason for being there. That's why 80% of the time a mother will always be your mother and maybe your friend but never your equal.
ReplyDelete@Citizen Ojo: I agree with you, but check the last line of my comment to Curious. There is a difference when dealing with SWF's. I clarify this next post.
ReplyDelete@Curious: Exactly.
I believe that sometimes people run to your aid so that they might feel better about themselves. Their situation doesn't look so dire as long as yours is all jacked up. But then when you find the strength to pull yourself up and out, they can no longer compare themselves to you or feel better because they are doing so much better than you.
ReplyDeleteIn a lifetime we meet a lot of people. Some of them will play a significant roll in our lives while others don't play as significant a roll as they would like to believe they play.
^ Very astute Max. And yes, I'm being serious.
ReplyDeleteI like closure - but I rarely offer it to those I choose to defriend. I know it's probably messed up, but I have a low tolerance for bull or questionable associates. If someone shows their azz to me then I usually cut them off cold.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend like that...the only times she was really open and responsive was when I was having trouble, othefrwise she'd be snippy and critical. I finally realized that it was completely her thing and her issue. I wish her well, as she is not a bad person, but we are no longer in contact, and I don't really miss her.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Max, btw
^ Thanks for stopping by Invisible Woman. I think it is possible to have no hard feelings, and be finished with a friendship.
ReplyDelete@ Bougie: I feel you on having a low tolerance for BS. Currently, I'm probably at a -12 on that scale.