Thursday, May 14, 2009

On Fatherhood

Today I was on another site where someone supposedly made the statement that they "hoped someone would die of kidney failure" and it shook me. I let it go because I couldn't find the original comment and it wasn't the forum for me to go off on someone. My father died of kidney failure. My father meant the world to me and he is the reason why I am so passionate about the issue of absentee fathers in the black community.

When I hear the terms "baby mamma" and "baby daddies" I am saddened. Despite the circumstances in which a child was conceived, there are children who need to be parented. Time after time I have heard, "Black men ain't shit" or how they do not take care of their children. Although it is an issue - I know better. My father and mother adopted me at nine months old. While my father wasn't perfect, he was the most important person in my world and not once did I doubt his love for me. My grandfather was fifty when he married my grandmother who was much younger. They had five children and he worked to support all of them. He lived to see three of his children graduate from college.

Today was the first time in almost six months my daughter had a visit from her father. I want her to know the best of him, not the worst that was my experience. I play his music for her and show her videos of him so that she can be proud of him. What can I say when she wants to know where he is? I tell her that he loves her. I do not make promises for him to her. As she grows older, he will reveal himself to her without any interference from me. Our issues are not hers.

My father died on March 11, 2005. My daughter was born on March 9, 2006. I wish she could have known him.


  1. Hello there!

    This is just sooo touching.

    I am soooo grateful every time I stumble upon a post where black women are speaking lovingly and appreciatively about their fathers!!

    There are MANY of us who had wonderful dads and we need to let everyone understand that fatherlessness is NOT the norm for every black woman...

    Feel free to drop by my social issues blog forum and share your thoughts!

    Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

  2. Thanks for stopping by! Will check out your blog soon.

  3. I thought I would drop by and see what's up and I see that you are in the middle of personal issues that are faced by so many women today. I wish you good luck with that. I would also say that you need to be aware that with a father who has seen his child only once in 6 months, your child may be disappointed later in life when she realizes who he really is and not what she had hoped him to be and that's where you'll have to be strong again.

  4. @ Curious: Thanks for commenting.

    Ah, the personal issues...

    Everyone has them, but mine have been a little extra lately. Yes, I anticipate having to soothe feelings over the next 18 years.