Sunday, September 6, 2009

Why are Black Women So Pissed?

I've been standing back watching the shit storm brewing around Jimi Izrael and his recent The blog posts. As a black woman, I understand the reactions that are pouring forth, but he's one man. One woman tweeted that she would rather perform fellatio on all the white men in Ohio than date Jimi. Really sister? Cos, damn, that's a little disturbing not to mention totally unhygienic.

I grew up in a town, in a neighborhood that was very integrated. Integrated as in black and white. More precisely - black men with white women was/is a common phenomenon. Even more common was the "black women ain't shit, are evil bitches, etc." sentiment. Not only didn't I buy into the nothing but a black man hype - I found it amusing that the majority of black women still did.

See, I don't hate black men or even dislike them. My father (the best man ever) was black. And if I take a honest look at the men I've dated, the one's who were the kindest were black. Why am I not married to one of them? Timing.

I date men who WANT to date me, that I have things in common with, have fun with, can talk to, and I'm attracted to. This means I've dated the rainbow because I am open to it. I'm not going to go sit and cry in a corner cos a black man wants someone that does not look like me. And if that is his clear preference, what would I want with him anyway? And any black woman that buys into the all black men are dogs doctrine, therefore the white or any other race of man is your savior - you're in for a rude awakening.

Psst: Sisters - a word please?
Just like you've learned that not all black men have a large penis (sorry black men, I know ya'll cling to that stereotype like a damn life raft) different means different, not better. Men are men, people are people, and issues are still issues. Love who is going to love you.

Right now I have chosen to take myself out of the dating scene. I wouldn't dare present myself to someone right now as a potential mate. Until I work through my issue of wanting to find my throw rotten fruit at any stage my deadbeat trifling' ass ex is on...see what I mean?

Since moving home, I have hit up the local bakery (shout out to Schuler's!) way too damn often and when I needed to hit the gym. I know what I'm working with - I'm cute (shout out to me in all my cuteness) have a degree, and a relatively successful career with great benefits. What I do not have is stability or peace. That's a process that I'm in the middle of. Trying to work through the all of the death, illness, crazy, toxic mofos, anger, sadness, and disappointment by myself isn't working. I would consult Deepak if I was chillin' in LA, but I'm going to have to visit a local instead.

In the meantime, I'm going to pop some corn and continue watching this great debate.


  1. I think women would do better if they weren't so mad. (Who wants to put up with mess at home?)

    Whatever happened to the days when a cute girl would just smile and say hello?

  2. Certainly, a debate surrounding just what counts as success is in order. Often we associate success with degrees and prestiguous positions. If we measure success by those indicators, the numbers will never be commensurate. But if we measure success by other means, if we dare link ourselves romantically with those who do not possess the degrees and the prestiguous positions and the six figure salaries, then perhaps we would all be that much happier.

    As someone who works within the academy, I often encounter women who are the source of their own angst. Of course this doesn't apply to all women I encounter within the academy. But they are often so caught up in who they are and where they are going that even as they decry the availability of eligible men as mates, they don't really have the time to give to a relationship, to allow that relationship to grow and flourish.

    A few years back a very dear friend who I went to grad school with decided to get married. But she decided to marry a plumber. And the other African American women in the department and throughout the faculty took it as an ocassion to poke fun at her. They referred to him as "Teapot" or "Teacake" or something, in reference to that character in a Zora Neale Hurston novel. But after all this time, my accomplished WOC Ph.D. friend and her husband are happy while those other women who poked fun at her choice, and still do, are still miserable and decrying the shortage of suitable eligible mates.

  3. @uglyblackjohn: I agree with you. I can remember back in the day when all of my black male friends would ask that very same question. They would say that black women on campus would just turn their noses up at them or act stank when they would say hi.

    I also (very briefly) hung at with three black women who dated only white guys. When a black man would speak to them - they would act like they had just been called a bitch.

    The one thing that many of these women have in common is they have all been completely messed over by black men. That said, my ex was a complete abusive asshole and in no way do I hold all black men accountable for his behavior.

  4. @Max: Funny thing is the plumber is probably pulling in hell of a lot of money per year. Most people with The average university prof is not making six figures a year. Women want a man that can love and provide for them. There is nothing wrong with that, but when they start looking for status - well that's a whole other thing.

  5. Hmm, I'm going in too many directions here. I'm going to stay with the safe one here and say, stay out of the bakery.