Today I had a moment where I experienced a surge of pure rage. Just wanted to slap that shit out of an entire list of people. First (as always) the triflin' ex who has his mamma call me to tell me what he is going to do and never does it. Still not a nickel in child support in one year. He continues to ignore the court order and his daughter who he can visit at day care any day of the week. Did I mention it's around the corner from his lair of shitty deadbeatness?
Members of my family (yep, I am writing this. Fucking deal) who are also triflin'. Those unhappy souls who always feel the need to get in a dig every time they see me and my child then wonder why I don't trip over myself to spend time with them. My dear brother (thank heaven we don't share the same genes)who lives in another country who informed me, after I reached out to him regarding my frustration with the other fam, situation with my mom, my health fears(scheduled biopsy etc.) that my feelings were "garbage" and that "if need be, he will come home to straighten my ass out so I can focus on what needs to be done."
I've said for three years now that we need to probate my Dad's estate, free my mom of her debt and she needs to be in assisted living and move to my city so I can oversee her care. Why? Because even if I live with her there are at least 9 hours out of the day where she is unsupervised and we have been very lucky that I have been here to call 911 when she goes into diabetic shock. My three year old has seen the inside of hospitals and my mom on the floor too many times. The fam? Nah, there is concern about the property, whether or not my mom will be happy, and what my motivations are. Assholes.
I want my mom to live. I want to have a life that does not involve waking up at an ungodly hour to still be late for work. I want to not have to drive on the highway with my child on rain and snow slicked roads, going through my work day stressed out when I make my four calls to my mom and she doesn't pick up once, picking up my daughter knowing that I return to my hometown that I hate for many reasons and cook, clean, catch up on my work, pretend to be happy. I want the degree that I earned to mean something, for my career to not be challenged by the exes lawyer who contacts my supervisors saying that I harassed him when I did the exact opposite and ignored his numerous attempts to contact me after I requested he stop. I want to not be so fucking irritated by listening to my mom constantly contradict me to my child, chastise her for every little thing, or when she's fine to order a ton of shit from QVC, re-arrange furniture, but refuses to do basic things to take care of herself or the house.
I want to do to some of my fam what I did to two of my friends a few months back - cut them loose and let it go. In the meantime, I have started to obtain services for my mom in the home. I cannot fight my brother (who threatened to lawyer up) or the rest of the idiot horde. Fuck it. I've got a daughter to raise and a life to live. When the rage returns, I will remember - and this too shall pass.
I just hope it passes sooner rather than later.