Love

It's in the air isn't it? I think so. If you take a second you may smell something else...like ass. Yes, dear readers, blogs are open to the public. Sometimes you have people reading that perhaps you would prefer not to. For other bloggers who read this - you guys know exactly how I would know who checks out the site. : ) Shhh... don't tell them. It's all love, but dear exes and ex-friends could you at least contribute something to the discussion?

Just saying...

There are some things...

That really should not be said to another person. Clearly the decision to return home (my adopted home) has been a difficult one. I never wanted to go back to my hometown in the first place. I hate it there more than words can ever express. If you read the "Craptastic" post, it is clear there are some issues there. That being said, I have our local Area on Aging coming in to do an assessment tomorrow. My mother should be able to get meals delivered, transportation, and someone to come in and help her. She will also be able to obtain adaptive equipment. Is it enough? I don't think so. It is pretty well documented that I feel she needs 24/7 supervision. I will come home at least once a week to visit and make sure she is getting what she needs.

This week I had to stay out of town for two nights (that's a whole other post and quite funny, but not now). When I called my fam to let them know, no one offered assistance of any kind, but they did feel the need to have my mom spend the night. That decision told me two things. The first: It is clear they think she needed the supervision. The second: They think I need to be there with her at night. To both of those things I would say: Assisted living, assisted living, assisted living, oh, and assisted living. No one hears that though. Nope, everyone would rather we gamble for the 10 hours I am gone for the day and I come home and never leave.

The point of the post? Well, several people have given me the "you're a shitty daughter" look. And one said to me, "Oh, you're coming back, even though you know what will happen?" Yeah, people are entitled to their opinions. I just wish they would keep them to them-fucking-selves. Or, maybe I'll just keep it between me and my shrink. How 'bout that?

Random

Really random, so don't expect a lot outta this one. Just wandered over from reading a Twitter debate between Mr. I and PostB. Twas interesting. I remember being so pissed off at one of his posts I wanted to title a post "Jimi Izrael can kiss my ass" and go throw rotten fruit at him. He's actually a nice guy. Don't always agree with him, but I do not think he hates women.

More random...

The baby is going to the pumpkin patch and she is so excited, and cute in her happiness. Everyday she tells me, "I want Mommy to come too" and I smile. Because I know that in a few years she want won't me anywhere near her friends. Ah, the sweetness of being a mother. Now, if she would just let me comb her damn hair.

Which brings me to the next bit of random: Chris Rock and the hair film. Eh, not sure I want to go see it. Have a love hate relationship with my hair. On one hand, it's wash and wear. On the other hand, it's a bit of a floppy mess right now, and I'm lazy with it. I have never been one of those women who has a regular appointment at the beauty shop. Nope. Every once in a while. Mostly, I wash it, throw some oil in it and let it do what it does. Ok, that's all I got. My head hurts, I want chocolate, my baby, a novel, and some peace and quiet.

Random.

Craptastic!

Today I had a moment where I experienced a surge of pure rage. Just wanted to slap that shit out of an entire list of people. First (as always) the triflin' ex who has his mamma call me to tell me what he is going to do and never does it. Still not a nickel in child support in one year. He continues to ignore the court order and his daughter who he can visit at day care any day of the week. Did I mention it's around the corner from his lair of shitty deadbeatness?

Members of my family (yep, I am writing this. Fucking deal) who are also triflin'. Those unhappy souls who always feel the need to get in a dig every time they see me and my child then wonder why I don't trip over myself to spend time with them. My dear brother (thank heaven we don't share the same genes)who lives in another country who informed me, after I reached out to him regarding my frustration with the other fam, situation with my mom, my health fears(scheduled biopsy etc.) that my feelings were "garbage" and that "if need be, he will come home to straighten my ass out so I can focus on what needs to be done."

I've said for three years now that we need to probate my Dad's estate, free my mom of her debt and she needs to be in assisted living and move to my city so I can oversee her care. Why? Because even if I live with her there are at least 9 hours out of the day where she is unsupervised and we have been very lucky that I have been here to call 911 when she goes into diabetic shock. My three year old has seen the inside of hospitals and my mom on the floor too many times. The fam? Nah, there is concern about the property, whether or not my mom will be happy, and what my motivations are. Assholes.

I want my mom to live. I want to have a life that does not involve waking up at an ungodly hour to still be late for work. I want to not have to drive on the highway with my child on rain and snow slicked roads, going through my work day stressed out when I make my four calls to my mom and she doesn't pick up once, picking up my daughter knowing that I return to my hometown that I hate for many reasons and cook, clean, catch up on my work, pretend to be happy. I want the degree that I earned to mean something, for my career to not be challenged by the exes lawyer who contacts my supervisors saying that I harassed him when I did the exact opposite and ignored his numerous attempts to contact me after I requested he stop. I want to not be so fucking irritated by listening to my mom constantly contradict me to my child, chastise her for every little thing, or when she's fine to order a ton of shit from QVC, re-arrange furniture, but refuses to do basic things to take care of herself or the house.

I want to do to some of my fam what I did to two of my friends a few months back - cut them loose and let it go. In the meantime, I have started to obtain services for my mom in the home. I cannot fight my brother (who threatened to lawyer up) or the rest of the idiot horde. Fuck it. I've got a daughter to raise and a life to live. When the rage returns, I will remember - and this too shall pass.

I just hope it passes sooner rather than later.