Friday, April 30, 2010

The X Chronicles

People who don't know me in real life (whatever that is) have emailed me over the course of the past year asking if there is a meaning behind my title. Does it refer to actual people? Who are they? And the funniest one - why the hell have I been married twice? This has inspired me to do a series of posts on relationships. First, however, I will take the time to answer those questions...

I have never been married. The title refers to two very significant others who profoundly (for better and worse) impacted my life. If you are a regular reader, then you know that one Ex refers to the father of my child. As much as I want to drown him in a bucket of fermented urine at times - without him, I would not have my daughter. If ever there was a vetting process - he went through it. He was friends with my best friend. Most of my circle knew him and he was considered a sweet gentle soul. The problem is that no one ever required him to be an adult. The people surrounding him required that he stand on stage and play his sax, and that he entertain them. They did not require him to be a father or husband. To this day, his actions as a significant other and father have been a source of shock and sadness for those who know us.

One of the saddest days of my life was almost two years ago when I saw him at our daughter's daycare. He reached out to me with tears streaming down his face, and begged me to give him his family back. I almost took his hand, when the image of my two year old daughter crying and begging him to leave me alone flashed. Walking away was not hard. I have no regrets, other than not leaving sooner.

The other, I have never discussed here. He was fifteen years my senior, white, my best friend and my worst enemy. This week I found myself thinking of him at the most unexpected times. I miss him. I learned that sometimes love is not enough, that age does not always equal maturity and that you can be friends with an Ex.

Clearly, I am still learning. Enjoy.


  1. I'm still learning too. I've been married for more than 20 years and what I've learned in that time is that we all change and that nothing is forever and twice isn't always. I've learned that most single people want to be married and most married people want to be single; and I've also learned that all married people are one conversation away from being single.

    It is what it is.

  2. Most people are learning and re-evaluating all the time. The things that you believe in now are probably different from what you believed in 20 years ago. And probably 20 years from now they would have changed again, or even come back full circle.

  3. It is what it is indeed. Sometimes, I think it would be easier if there weren't so much to learn...